Mythical Midwife

So many dramas in my job

I couldn’t list them all

There’s much scope for disagreement

Between all of those on call

Stuck shoulders, Haemorrhage, fitting

Arrest, demise, collapse

But my favourite drama of them all?

A good old Cord Prolapse

It’s when the umbilical cord

Slips down below baby’s head

We have to get the child out quick

Or it could end up dead

The pressure on the baby’s cord

Is usually relieved

By the fingers of the finder

When the problem is perceived

There’s no need to argue

Or dither in here 

What we need to do next

Is abundantly clear

Someone rings the emergency bell

Whilst fingers remain in the birth canal

The finder then climbs onto the bed

And all pushed to theatre

Holding back that small head

Now I sit here in clinic

Reviewing  her history

It seems all these years

Her past birth was a mystery

With laughter tears stream down her face

For she thought the problem was lack of space

“My English then was not so good

I thought I had bad luck

I thought I needed surgery

Because Midwife’s hand was stuck”